Monday, October 15, 2007

I'm Not Dead

At least now yet. Not until the next post. Closer to brain dead, actually. But really, the real culprit here is the Wheel. For some reason, I think the Wheel THINKS I am dead. For there is no reason why any person who has cognitive thoughts and functions would ever be graced with the game It gave me.

Crush, Crumble, & Stomp
Commodore 64, 1983

Now this game promises a grand ol' time, playing as a monster who attacks a city. What's not to like about that? I mean, everyone loves Rampage and that's pretty much the same exact goal.

The difference here, however, lies in the controls. Wherein Rampage, the player moves left, right, climbs buildings, eats things, and breaks things, all with the easy use of pressing buttons in context to the environment around you. The Commodore 64, however, felt that was too easy and went in a far more obtuse direction.

Upon entering, the game proclaims to be the "Monster Movie Game," a boastful claim if you have ever asked me. To solidify it's status as the be all end all of monstrosity based entertainment, it asks what monster I wish to be, out of a list of completely creative beasts, such as "Goshilla" and "Mantra." Already floored, I was brought to tears of joy when I learned I could choose how I would be scored in the game. Epic.

Then, as the game begins, I came to realize that you play the game by entering in text commands in a turn based action grid. You press either R or L to turn right or left, and when facing the right direction you press M to move. When you are at a building, but not just any building, the right building, you press C to CRUSH IT! Then cops chase after you upon you try, and I stress try, to crush them. You see, it is very very hard to know when you are on the right invisible grid space to crush something, as none of the things seem to line up with you very well. On top of that, everything seems to move on some sort of inner move list, that you the player are unaware of, and just need to brush off.

Really, nothing here adds up to anything fun, even for a little bit. To be honest, I DID see a glimmer of hope when I found out how to control the game, but that quickly burned itself out in a mininova of sadness.

Gametap says 4.2, I say 2. A definite delete.
32 of 1002 complete.

Next review will be a special where I pick the game deliberately. Yes, yes, I know this goes against my whole setup here, but come one, Typing of the Dead is dying to be played.